DISTORTION (2006)

If the action genre has its own version of Tommy Wiseau, it's Kirk Fogg, the writer, director, and star of DISTORTION, as ineptly made a thriller as The Room was a drama.

The plot: Porter (Fogg) is a homeless, drug-addicted ex-L.A. cop with an inexplicably faithful girlfriend, Rachel (Sarah Lahti). Desperate for money, Rachel agrees to appear in a live Internet porn feed. But something goes wrong. Porter is knocked unconscious and wakes up alone next to some railroad tracks. He obsessively searches for the missing Rachel, harming several people and committing numerous felonies in the process.

Fogg created a cast of unpleasant, unlikable, and thoroughly unsympathetic characters. When Porter held a gun to his own head and yammered on about being “The Rifleman,” I was wishing he'd pull the trigger so this godawful movie would end. But no such luck. He remains alive to steal the car of a sweet, gentle man who's trying to get him to an AA meeting—never mind that Porter's drug of choice is cocaine—to physically assault and threaten people with information on Rachel's whereabouts, to try manipulating his ex-partner into helping him look for Rachel, and to break into a man's house and force him at gunpoint to take him to where Rachel is being held. (That part confused me as Porter had previously demanded only addresses.) Given all that, you may understand why I felt absolutely no compassion or sympathy for Porter, even at his lowest and most despairing of moments, i.e. nearly every second of the film's 83 minutes.

Sarah Lahti is beautiful—too beautiful to convince me that her character is a homeless junkie who does Internet porn. While Porter looks disheveled and acts like the paranoid maniac that his coke habit created, Rachel looks and behaves with relative normalcy. Hell, she even has perfect teeth! Meanwhile, the supporting characters bear such clever names as Diner Tough Guy, Waitress, Cook, Security Guard, Doorman, Porn Actor, and Henchman.

The film is awash with artsy-fartsy and unnecessary slow-motion flashbacks, not to mention more quick cuts than a week's worth of music videos. And Fogg's idea of dialogue includes this little gem:  “Don't give up five minutes before the miracle, man. You know, they say most accidents occur within a five-mile radius of the home. Man, you're almost home! Don't fuck it up now.” There's also this bit from a phone conversation: “Hello, I'm looking for Mr. Christopher Jenkins. He represents my interests.”

DISTORTION's main theme is the thin line between fantasy and reality. Kirk Fogg's fantasy was to make a film that earned him acclaim as a great writer, director, and actor. The reality? His film sucks.