EVIL BONG (2006)

I've never smoked pot, but I’ve heard that doing so habitually can harm your health. So can watching this misogynistic exercise in gratuitous vulgarity.

The plot: a straight-laced college kid named Alistair (David Weidoff) inexplicably becomes roommates with three hop-headed losers—Larnell (John Patrick Jordan), Bachman (Mitch Eakins), and Brett (Brian Lloyd). You know they're big-time stoners because they have a broken wall clock stopped at 4:20. When Larnell brings a '60s-era bong into the house, it turns out to be cursed, sending anyone who takes a hit from it to an alternate dimension that features annoying music and pole-dancers with homicidal bras. The bong also talks, in the voice of a New Orleans voodoo priestess named Eebee. Her goal is to rule the world by enveloping it in a huge cloud of pot smoke. She's ambitious, I'll give her that.

In the right hands, EVIL BONG might have been a clever and funny send-up of cannabis culture. Unfortunately, writer/director Charles Band confused humor with profanity-laced sexism. The so-called “jokes” here make PORKY'S look feminist. The film also contains mercenary cameos by characters from Band's other vehicles, none of which I've seen (or wish to). For those who give a damn, they include Tim Thomerson (TRANCERS), Bill Moseley (DEVIL REJECTS), Phil Fondacaro (DECADENT EVIL), and the monsters Ooga Booga (DOLL'S GRAVEYARD) and Gingerbread Man.

About an hour into this waste of celluloid, Tommy Chong turns up as the bong's original owner, Jimbo Leary. (That's about as clever as the film gets.) I've never found stoner humor amusing, and Chong's appearance here does nothing to change my opinion. Whatever his comedic talents, in this movie the man was—pardon the expression—wasted.

If you enjoyed the mindless teen-sex comedies of the '80s, you might just like EVIL BONG. As for me, I plan to destroy my DVD copy in a Pagan cleansing ritual.