FANGS OF THE LIVING DEAD a/k/a MALENKA (1969/1973)

Sylvia Morel (Anita Ekberg), a famous model, inherits an Italian castle. When she gets there, she finds it inhabited by her strange uncle (Julian Ugarte) and a bevy of women who Sylvia suspects of being vampires. They are, of course, and the uncle is their leader.

The uncle delivers lines like, “Veneration of the dead indicates our preoccupation with the living.” (How do I know what it means?) And his beard and mustache are among the silliest-looking I've ever seen. Couldn't tell you if it's real or fake, though.

Every possible gothic cliché is in this film. The score is permeated with “spooky castle” organ music. The acting is mostly mediocre, though Ekberg is passable in her dual roles as both Sylvia and Malenka (her slayed vampire grandma). Unfortunately, Ekberg is not very well-dubbed, though for most part the dubbing is done reasonably well. When a stake is driven through the uncle's heart, he rapidly ages in a series of lap dissolves that makes him look like an old man with Silly Putty on his face. There's also an intense catfight between two hot female vampires, which I'm guessing is the whole reason this film was made.

There are some genuinely (and intentionally) humorous moments. In one scene, a vampire named Glinka tries in vain to convince a young Italian bachelor that she is, in fact, a vampire. When she bites his neck, he bursts out laughing, saying it tickles. (It plays out funnier than I've described it.) At the very end, we see the bachelor, now a vampire himself, chasing a young barmaid—in the middle of the day, while the sun shines brightly.

FANGS OF THE LIVING DEAD has its problems, but it was refreshing to see a film in which the vampires were evil and creepy, not sexy and hip. And it's a whole lot better than FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA'S BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA: LOVE NEVER DIES.