GURU, THE MAD MONK (1970)

Andy Milligan was a Staten Island-based DIY filmmaker whose product was uniformly Z-grade. His was always the last film shown on a triple bill at one of the seedy grindhouses that once dotted the American landscape. GURU, THE MAD MONK is typical Milligan fare. Clocking in at barely an hour, it has the slapped-together look of friends attempting cosplay and deciding to film it.

It's 1480 and the oddly-named Father Guru (Neil Flanigan), a Catholic monk with two distinct personalities (one gentle, the other violent), oversees the Lost Souls Church on the remote island of Mortavia. This is where the rest of Europe sends its prisoners for execution or punishment--poked-out eyes or severed hands and feet (courtesy of department-store mannequins).

Assisting Father Guru is Igor, a surprisingly articulate one-eyed hunchback, and Mother Olga (Jaqueline Webb), the head nun, who also happens to be a vampire. When Olga's not tripping over her lines without asking for retakes, she bares fangs from a Staten Island novelty store.

The excrement hits the fan when when young Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in charge of the prisoners, decides to leave Father Guru's employ with his lovely fiancée, Najda (Judith Israel). This sets into motion a series of increasingly violent events that climaxes with Father Guru swinging by his neck from the rope of a church bell.

ITEM: During the opening credits, the film's title is spelled out with alphabet refrigerator magnets.

ITEM: One of the prisoners is clearly dressed in 20th-century corduroy pants.

ITEM: Father Guru's tool kit includes a pair of 20th-century scissors, as well as a modern-day claw hammer.

ITEM: The actors repeatedly slip back into their native New York accents.

ITEM: In one scene, two characters converse while a motorcycle sits not ten feet away