HOUSE OF MYSTERY (1934)

“Hindus! Tom-toms! Apes! Haunted houses! Say, are you sure this séance wasn't a sleigh ride?” So says Police Inspector Pickens when he arrives at the house of archaeologist John Prendergast to investigate a murder at a séance—or as everyone here pronounces it, “SEE-aunts.”

HOUSE OF MYSTERY begins in Asia in 1913 (that's as specific as it gets).  Prendergast leads an expedition to find the jewels of Kali—or as everyone here pronounces it, “KAY-lye.” He crosses a Hindu priest, who puts the curse of “Kay-lye” on Prendergast and, for good measure, sics a killer gorilla on him. (The only ape native to India is the hoolock gibbon, not the gorilla.) Luckily, his girlfriend Shanda is there to rescue her beloved Prendergast, who she calls “sahib.” And for a native Indian, Shanda has decidedly white skin.

Twenty years later, the investors that Prendergast bilked track him down and demand their share of the money. Prendergast agrees to their terms, but only if they'll spend the night in his house. They hold a séance, during which the medium summons the spirit of Pocahontas. (American Indians, Hindu Indians, what's the difference?) She warns them of the Curse of Kali (“Kay-lye”) and that they're all in mortal danger. This warning is borne out when the guests start turning up dead, seemingly murdered by a gorilla. When the police are called in, they bumble about like an unfunny version of the Keystone Kops. There's even a Scotland Yard inspector, though he speaks in a Bronx accent.

Were film characters just more annoying in the 1930s? Going by the movies I've seen from that era, I'm guessing they were. In HOUSE OF MYSTERY, for example, they're either whining about imagined health issues, trying to sell insurance to everyone they meet, publicly berating their husbands, following each other around the mansion, or speaking in outmoded cop slang.

A ridiculous movie, but at least it's only an hour.