THE BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE (1969)

Count Charles Thompson (Alex D'Arcy) and his wife, The Countess (Paula Raymond), live in Falcon Rock Castle in Southern California. Their deranged caretaker, Mango (Ray Young), kidnaps young women, whose blood the Thompsons need to survive. Their faithful butler, George (John Carradine), tends to the young ladies, tapping their veins to keep his employers fed. Problems arise when Falcon Rock's owner passes away, leaving the castle to his nephew Glen (Gene O'Shayne), who wishes to move in with his fiancee, Liz (Barbara Bishop). Having been comfortably ensconced in Falcon Rock for several decades, the Thompsons are in no hurry to move. Also on hand is Johnny (Robert Dix), a violent sadist who the Thompsons just adore. Do I even need to tell you the Thompsons were once named Dracula?

If it doesn't sound like a good setup for a horror film, there's a reason: it's not. Any resemblance between this thing and Bram Stoker's creation is purely coincidental. Alex D'Arcy keeps slipping in and out of his Lugosi accent, while he and the Countess come off less like centuries-old vampires and more like the Howells on Gilligan's Island. As for young Glen, he's hardly action-hero fare, even if he does manage, through dumb luck, to take out both Johnny and George. (I'll cover his defeat of Mango in just a bit.)

Item: My favorite line of dialogue occurs in the opening scene, when George tells a kidnapped young woman, “You've had the misfortune of encountering Mango. You'll have to stay now.”

Item: The first scene after the opening credits was filmed at the now-defunct Marineland, where we first meet Glen and Liz. While an intriguing bit of SoCal history, it takes longer than it should to set the plot in motion.

Item: After escaping from prison, Johnny changes into a clean shirt as he drives a stolen car. Wouldn't it be far easier, and less dangerous, to pull over first?

Item: George is awake during the Draculas' nocturnal hours and is also up and about when Johnny arrives at the castle during the day. Does the poor man ever sleep?

Item: The Draculas' death scene occurs off-screen as Glen and Liz describe the vampires' deterioration. The camera then cuts to the now-dead couple's empty suits of clothes.

Item: Glen takes out Mango by burying an ax in his shoulder blade, dousing him with gasoline, setting him ablaze, and pushing him off a cliff. An effective, if unwieldy, way to defeat your would-be assassin.

Item: Like so many other low-budget horror films, this one pads itself out with interminable scenes of walking and driving.