THE DUNGEON OF HARROW (1962)

“How many times have I stood before this symbol of my family's greatness? And now this crest and I are dying together. In another time and another place, I might have brought honor and glory to the Fallon family, but instead I shall leave a legacy of decay and unspeakable horror.” So goes the opening narrative of this awkward, lumbering attempt at Gothic horror (filmed in that noted bastion of goth, San Antonio).

It's 1870 and a violently insane count named DeSade (William McNulty) lives in a waterfront castle with his equally insane family members. Two shipwreck survivors--the ship's captain (Henry Garcia) and Aaron Fallon (Russ Harvey), who dresses like secret agent Jim West--wash ashore near the castle and are soon captives of the count. There's more to the story, but it's very disjointed and really a shambles, with precious little continuity. So I thought I would spare you the pain.

Item: On several occasions, the overly-dramatic film score nearly drowns out the dialogue.

Item: The dialogue is stilted and pompous, as if translated from another language. Examples: “The truth is dark enough without learning about it at night,” and “In fact, I demand that our meeting be pleasant!”

Item: During a storm at sea, the ship's captain knocks on a passenger's door. As he does so, the entire set shakes. We then cut to a model ship in what looks very much like a backyard swimming pool. 

Item: Early in the film, an apparition appears to the count as the physical manifestation of his madness. The apparition torments the count with a giant spider and a cobra. Its “evil” laugh sounds like the beginning of “Wipe Out.” And despite its threat to Count DeSade, the apparition never reappears.

Item: The captain's torture on the rack is hard to watch, but not nearly as hard as Fallon's nightmarish encounter with the Countess DeSade, whose face and body are ravaged by leprosy. The make-up effect here is entirely too convincing.

Item: When the count believes (falsely) that Anne, his mute servant girl, has betrayed him, he chains her to the rack. After that, Anne disappears from the film. She is never mentioned again, so we never find out exactly what happened to her.

There's plenty to dislike about THE DUNGEON OF HARROW, but I think you get the idea.