THE WILD WOMEN OF WONGO (1958)

Set some 10,000 years ago, this is the story of two tropical villages, Wongo and Goona. On Wongo, the women are gorgeous and the men ugly. On Goona, it's just the opposite. Each is unaware of the other's existence until what we're told is a vicious tribe of ape men (we only see two) invades the island. At that point, the Wongans and the Goonies form an alliance, which leads to the good-looking men and women hooking up, as do the ugly men and women. As the film ends, each character looks directly at the camera and winks—so awkwardly, you'd think they had never winked before. There's also an insufferable talking macaw who keeps commenting on the action (for lack of a more fitting word to describe what happens).

The opening credits proclaim that the film is in Pathecolor, which seems to mean the blue and green hues are by far the most dominant. 

The stilted dialogue features chestnuts like, “Ocko brings you the kill. It is good. His father will buy you tonight.” And of course, the actors delivering those lines all stink to high heaven.

If anything here is worth seeing, it is the undeniably gorgeous Wongo maidens. I especially got a kick out of the dance ritual to their dragon god (actually an alligator). Their wild gyrations and lascivious facial expressions were truly a sight to behold! Honestly, though, it disturbed me that I felt such lust for women who are now either dead or in their eighties. Also, the film was shot in Florida's Coral Castle, whose scenery is just breathtaking. Does water that clean even exist anymore?

Item: Though the film is set in the tropics, the characters are all white.

Item: As always happens in these films, the “prehistoric” women all wear make-up and have perfectly coiffed hair.

Item: Though the men of Wongo are supposed to be ugly, they differ from the men of Goona only in that they have body and facial hair (and not all that much).

Item: A Wongo maiden fights for her life against an alligator that seems heavily sedated.

Item: Once they are no longer a convenient plot device, the “invading” ape men disappear with nary a mention.

Item: The King of Wongo violently opposes the wedding of Wongan women to Goona men. However, like the ape men, he disappears from the film as soon as his presence is no longer convenient.