That bad thing you saw? These are worse!

I don't know if it's possible to make a film entirely out of stock footage, but QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS came awfully close. You could go to the kitchen and make a sandwich in the time it takes to get from one plot point to another.

It finally occurs to Detective Carr that each victim had a connection to Alex. This leads him to conclude *not* that he must now consider Alex a suspect, but rather that because it's Winter Solstice and she's a virgin, a Satanic cult is going to sacrifice her at midnight.

The cavewomen all have Truman-era hair-dos. Plus, they each have a mouthful of gleaming white teeth. And there's not a body hair to be seen on those of either sex.

Peter Carpenter, who co-produced, must have had a whale-sized ego. How else to explain the lingering crotch shot as he lights a cigarette or the lengthy butt shot when he steps out of the shower (without a drop of water on him)? Not to mention a nude side-angle shot in which the character's leg just barely obscures his one-eyed wonderworm.

It would have been nice had PIRANHA offered less padding and more backstory and character development. But no; that would take effort, and we certainly can't have that.

Chapman's ship is drawn to the planet, whose people are about six inches tall. As soon he breathes the air, Chapman shrinks down to the Rhetons' height. (Atmosphere controls your size. Don't question it!) While on Rheton, he helps defeat their enemies, the Solarites (who resemble a mix of a sad-eyed dog and a "Star Wars" Tusken Raider).

How to make a film for next to nothing: rather than showing the action, have witnesses describe it after the fact; make your alien invisible, thus eliminating the need for make-up and costuming; make sure nothing in your script calls for special effects that would cost anything; and pad it out with gobs of stock footage.

Just because you *can* make a movie, doesn't mean you should. Case in point: this so-called “horror” film, made in Pittsburgh on a budget of $25,000.

Cameron Mitchell is particularly bizarre during a scene in which his character drives a car with the body of a woman he just killed. He places an arm around the corpse while lavishing her with kisses and telling the dead woman how much he loves her.

“Night of the Ghouls” is bad, but not in the freakishly entertaining way that so many of Ed Wood's other films are. This is sub-par even by *his* standards.

I first saw this Roger Corman turd on MST3K. Despite the best efforts of Mike Nelson and his robot pals, NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST was excruciating. So what made me sit through the original, unriffed version? The same thing that once made me lick a cheese grater, I suppose.

There's nothing to set NIGHT OF BLOODY HORROR apart from many other low-budget PSYCHO rip-offs. If you want a movie about a disturbed young man's dysfunctional relationship with his mother, see the Hitchcock film instead.