That bad thing you saw? These are worse!

The Italian "sword and sandals" films that thrived in the early '60s always veered perilously close to farce. It was redundant to make a movie poking fun at the genre.

With funding from a software-development company, Dr. Rothman conducts auditory-stimulation experiments on student volunteers. Problem is, once they're back in the outside world and encounter a light pattern similar to the experiments, it turns them into violent serial killers. Not a bad idea for a sci-fi chiller, but BRAIN TWISTERS landed far short of its potential.

Until I saw this film, I had forgotten just how pervasive simulated wood and brick paneling were in the 1970s. Boy, there's a lot of it here!

This movie is so awful, I wouldn't like it even if it were good.

On a remote Mediterranean island, a treasure hunter sets off an underwater explosion that awakens a long-dormant sea monster, to whom the natives must now sacrifice virgins or else become Purina Monster Chow. A premise like that could have made for a fun movie, but instead it made for this one.

BLOOD SABBATH was made for one reason: endless shots of beautiful young women cavorting in the nude. That's right, folks. This film delivers a bevy of boobies, butts and bushes!

This is the kind of film that makes me want to stop watching movies. It's 90 minutes of sheer endurance for the hapless viewer.

Glen takes out Mango by burying an ax in his shoulder blade, dousing him with gasoline, setting him ablaze, and pushing him off a cliff. An effective, if unwieldy, way to defeat your would-be assassin.

An R-rated soap opera with two murders and far too many soft-core sex scenes. Unless the film is X-rated, I want a halfway decent storyline to accompany the boot-knocking.

In the 1970s, blaxploitation cinema produced a bumper crop of instantly disposable films. Despite its intriguing title, THE BLACK GESTAPO was one of them.

Start with a trite script, add a no-talent cast, and mix in a white director who clearly didn't understand Blaxploitation, and you have THE BLACK 6. Or as I call it, “The Anti-Shaft.”

If ever a film was aptly named, it's MONSTROSITY. An even more fitting title would be “Frankenstein For Dummies.”