That bad thing you saw? These are worse!

This film does not merely *nod* to Tolkien--it rips him off like the class dunce who copies test answers from the smart kid and still gets them wrong.

The stilted dialogue features chestnuts like, “Ocko brings you the kill. It is good. His father will buy you tonight.”

The jungle scenery looks like a movie set designed by white people whose closest encounter with Africa was "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."

Besides having Roger Corman's name on it, I assumed the movie would stink when the title sequence featured stock footage of honeybees, not wasps. But it surprised me by being better than I expected.

Ultimately, this is a message movie—that message being, if we of different races and cultures can overlook our differences and work hand-in-hand, we can build an atomic weapon powerful enough to blow an entire planet to bits. Gosh, how inspiring!

This film is really the Russian-made 1962 movie, PLANETA BUR' (“Planet of Storms”), dubbed into English and featuring new scenes with Basil Rathbone and Faith Domergue. Which makes it even more ridiculous that VOYAGE TO THE PLANET OF PREHISTORIC WOMEN is really *this* film with new scenes featuring Mamie Van Doren!

Rule of thumb: if the village you're heading toward appears on no maps, don't go there! For all you know, the entire populace could be vampires—even the old guy with no teeth.

Did you know the Earth's crust and upper mantle are hollow, with flat floors graded just right for people to walk on? I didn't either, until I saw this painstaking exercise in scientific accuracy.

After the men kill a woman named Sally Lamb, the cafe's menu board reads, SPECIAL TODAY: LEG OF LAMB. We also get twin sisters named Thursday and Friday. Not to mention the hilarity that ensues when the undertaker gives one of the murder victims a “bargain” funeral.

Hans Conried vs. a demonic TV set. As a low-budget film made in 1953, you can imagine the visual effects.

This is typical 1970s exploitation fare: badly written, acted, and directed; grainy picture quality; only a handful of sets; repetitive score; tons of sexism and misogyny; Alaska-sized plot holes; and graphic violence that doesn't look remotely genuine.

Or as I call it, “Indiana Jones and the Fast & Furious Da Vinci Code.”